Taking Charge Of Uncomfortable Situations Gets You The Results You Deserve
Who else besides me is a:
- recovering people pleaser?
- uncomfortable standing up and using our voices to take charge?
- continues to polish this skill?
Maybe it’s being well into my 50’s, or just because I have had enough or it’s just deciding to handle everything head-on. The list can go on, but I simply no longer leave things in the hands of other people.
It feels more and more like we are encouraged to blame others or just leave big life situations to fate. This completely removes us from any personal responsibility, and we then can just blame our environment or someone else when things don’t work out.
The strict truth is everything in our environment is a reflection of us. I know this has come up before, but it is a constant state. I was recently reminded it was time to take matters into my own hands.
I submitted my application for a new apartment. I collected all required documents and charges well within the requested period. And then I waited. I got no news, so I began to wonder if there was a problem.
When you find yourself at the mercy of other people’s decisions how do you react? Does it cause doubt and fear? This used to be my response. I left the decisions up to the powers that be in fear of ruffling people’s feathers. This always caused a lot of unnecessary anxiety.
This scenario was different.
I was very confident in what I had submitted but was frustrated and angry that I had not gotten a timely response. It did take some work to not let the anger get to my head. I took matters into my own hands and acted with assertiveness. I went right to the source of who needed to sign off final approval.
Impulse control is also a learned habit. When no final answer had come back a handful of days before the move date I went into high gear. When one of the people handling the paperwork came at me full of excuse and guilt-ridden reasons about what had happened to other tenants, I stopped her in her tracks.
More and more I feel myself kindly but firmly standing up. I simply said other people’s situations had nothing to do with me. I will not be shamed. Eventually, I had to threaten to pull the deal completely to get people’s attention. At that moment I found myself no longer afraid of the outcome no matter what happened. I knew standing up was the right thing.
I finally got some feedback and continued to shut down all excuses. When the final day for approval arrived with one missing signature I said enough. I made direct phone calls to management to be put in touch with the right person to get it done. I was still nice but extremely direct. Time was running out and I could not afford to leave the results to anyone else.
After a series of fearless calls and emails to the right people in charge, I did finally get the issue resolved. Do you have a life situation that seems up to someone else? What actions can you take to get it resolved? How does this feel?
Taking charge and demanding results is not inherent for most of us. We are often taught to let the cards fall as they may. My response: heck no.
If we want something done and done right, then stand up and make it happen. This probably means doing our internal work to have the confidence and ability to set the boundaries and have the hard conversations. It’s yet another opportunity to let go of pleasing others or worrying about what people think.
I have learned to be extremely protective of my good nature. If people take advantage of me or don’t take me seriously then it’s up to me to transform the situation. Do I need to just say no? Do I need to ask for my worth? Do I need to shut down others’ excuses for not getting things done and take matters into my own hands?
You have my permission my friends to take charge. It’s your life. The people who love and respect you will support you in full force. The others, well you decide.
If we want results, then there must be subsequent actions. Nothing just ‘happens.’ We are NEVER a victim of circumstance. Focus on getting the goal done. Take action and stay out of the results. This is where the victory happens.